I met Father Jack Peterson of the Youth Apostles on my first day of college. The campus ministry was helping with move-in for new students at the University of Mary Washington. He chatted with me for a bit as we carried boxes and bags up the stairs into my dorm room, and even came back later in the day when I was assembling my loft.
When he invited me to Mass, I felt obligated to show up. I stayed connected to the campus ministry during college and probably became more involved due to that connection.
Working on a college campus now, I see countless students choosing either path: they make their faith a priority, or they drift away. How can we – as parents, friends and relatives of college students – help them grow in faith while in college, and what can we do if they start to drift?
College students are generally looking for three things: community, mission, and integration. They may not use these exact words, but these three ideas drive most of their actions. Understanding what they are looking for can help us understand their choices, such as walking away from their faith.
Community: College freshmen travel in packs. You can spot them from a hundred feet away – 10 students walking together, heading towards a dining hall. They need to fit in and will choose just about any group: classmates, students on their hall, friends from back home.
Now imagine that same group heading to Mass or to a social event at the campus ministry. Helping new students connect with a group of Catholic college students in their first 48 hours on campus goes a long way to helping them find good and uplifting community on campus.
Mission: Everyone finds a mission. Missions can be inspiring or they can be banal. College students can be on a mission to create new and exciting things, or they can be on mission to party. One student I met was inspired to go to Mass for 100 days straight. What an awesome mission!
Every student needs a mission, and every student will find one. As students arrive on campus, they will look for a mission, and we should encourage them to find ones that are worthwhile.
Integration: Students who are well integrated are fulfilled. When their social life, academic life and spiritual life align, they are self-confident in knowing who they are. Students will seek this out, looking to fill in areas of their life that lack integrity. If their community rejects the faith and their mission rejects the faith, eventually they will reject the faith.
The opposite is also true. If their community is pursuing Jesus and their mission is good, they will want more of their life to be Catholic. I meet many students who came to college thinking they would just attend Mass on Sundays, but then got involved in the campus ministry. After coming to Mass, they were invited to join a Bible study. Then they came on Fall Retreat. Then they started coming to daily Mass. Before long, the aspects of their life that were incongruent with the Catholic faith began to drop away.
It is great to have a plan before arriving on campus, but if a student has already started to drift away, there are still ways to help.
First, prayer. Are you praying for them every day? It doesn’t need to be long, but can you lift up a short prayer every day for their conversion? We often don’t see the power of prayer right away, but over time, the effects are powerful.
Second, support the campus ministry at the college your loved one is attending. Get to know their programming, become a monthly donor, and ask to receive their emails or newsletters. When a student decides to go back to Mass, help ensure there is a Mass for them to go back to.
Third, share your faith with your son or daughter in a gentle and organic way. When they are home during break, invite them to Sunday Mass or confession with you. If they say no, then no big deal. Read a good Catholic book or watch a good movie that you can discuss with them over dinner or dessert (college students love to eat).
Remember, in the end, God plays the long game. He is patiently waiting for all of his children to come to him and he is much more patient than we are!
Chris Hitzelberger, the director of Catholic Campus Ministry at Virginia Tech, is married with five children. He is a member of Youth Apostles, a Catholic community founded with the purpose of inspiring youth to a Christ-like life.