Commonwealth Catholic Charities (CCC) has some “job” openings.
The hours are long: 24 hours a day, seven days a week. A stipend covers some expenses. But it’s all work that can be done from home, as many people prefer these days.
Among the qualifications are “flexibility and humor and patience and faith,” said Lydia Strawbridge, foster care program manager at CCC in Roanoke. “It is hard work, but the emotional and spiritual payoffs are enormous – the sense of really accomplishing something that’s important.”
The clients are young. Some have been abused, neglected or abandoned; others have fled hard times in their native lands.
“Of the 134 children in our care right now, roughly half were born in the United States and half are here as unaccompanied refugees,” said Toosdhi Jackson, director of children’s services at CCC in Richmond. “The international children tend to be older, and most are over the age of 10.”
The positions the agency hopes to fill are for foster parents, a continuing and growing need.
‘Joy outweighs the challenges’
About 5,000 children overall are in foster care in Virginia, according to the state social services department. CCC has 50 foster homes in the Norton region, and 60 homes overseen by the Richmond office. In Roanoke, Strawbridge oversees 12 homes.
“We’re seeing more and more sibling groups coming in, groups of three, four and five,” she said. “That’s more difficult, and also when they are placed, frequently they’re having to be separated, which is totally not helpful and increases the trauma for them.”
Finding care for those children and others like them depends on people like Christina and Doug Kieser of Chesapeake. They are foster parents to two brothers from the Congo, ages 12 and 14.
“It’s such a joy to watch them,” said Christina. “They’ve come into our home, and I would just say I feel very blessed, because it’s in many ways been so seamless for us. That’s not to say easy, but very natural.”
The Kiesers have experience raising boys. Their eldest son is married; his brother, 18, is a senior in high school. Doug is retired from the Air Force; Christina is the adult faith director for their home parish, St. Stephen, Martyr, Chesapeake.
“We knew we’ve been blessed with so much,” Christina said. “Other people, peers our age at this point in their late 50s, are starting to travel. They’re starting to enjoy being empty nesters, and there’s nothing wrong with that trajectory of life.”
“For us, that’s not what we felt called to,” she continued. “We felt we were called to service. We were called to continue to provide for others that just don’t have [anything]. And so, opening our home just seemed natural.”
Doug added that he enjoys vacation as much as anyone. “And I’ll just say that your average middle American household has got more than enough. At the end of the day, we’re wealthy. We’re called to share that,” he said.
Before any married couple or single person over 25 can share their lives with children in foster care, CCC provides training and scrutiny.
“You’re opening your home up for people to come in and take a look at your current life, take a look at your past life, and that can be intimidating,” said Strawbridge. “For some, it may feel just too invasive. However, you know that information, when it’s gathered in the home study, does remain confidential, and it’s only used for matching purposes.”
Training for foster parenting, she said, focuses on the reasons children come into care and how to work with children who have traumatic backgrounds. Parents learn how the foster care system works, and how to manage their own physical and mental health as they provide for the needs of the children under their temporary care.
Though the time spent in foster care may be limited, the benefits can be lifelong, according to Jackson. “Fostering is a rewarding journey that offers countless moments of joy and certainly some challenges,” she said. “But over and over, we hear from foster parents that the joys far outweigh the challenges.”
Foster families often end up supporting and mentoring the birth families and helping their children return to them if that is appropriate.
“I’m not talking about financial support,” Strawbridge said. “Sometimes, it’s younger families or single parents who just don’t have the experience, and don’t have the emotional support. So, the impact is enormous.”
In many cases, after they’ve left the program, these young people keep in touch with their foster parents.
“We’ll have kids who’ve only been there, you know, a few months, and then they go back home. Then, five years later, they’re still contacting the foster parents and keeping in touch,” said Strawbridge.
Foster parents rely on God
Strawbridge believes a strong faith can be important for foster care parents.
“I do think that’s incredibly helpful for longevity in this work,” said Strawbridge, “because when folks have faith, they’re able to kind of see the longer road, see the further goal. That helps you withstand some of the things that are going on right in front of you.”
The Kiesers said the two boys from the Congo are eager and motivated, go to school with smiles on their faces, and laugh easily. Their first experience with foster care has been humbling and challenging.
“It’s not easy by any stretch of the imagination,” Christina said. “Our schedule is tight. We’ve got 18 balls in the air at any given time, but we know that God has equipped us, and he has called us for this, and also for me as a Catholic.”
She said that when problems arise in this new position she and her husband have accepted, she knows she can rely on CCC for guidance, and on God.
“When I feel some days like my knees are about to buckle,” she said, “I just turn to the Lord, and I say, ‘You’ve called me to this. I know you’re going to provide.’”