Authentic loves requires sacrifice

It’s the time of year when hearts and cupids are in stores. Hoping to capitalize on the idea that affection translates into mega spending sprees, retailers direct their attention toward enticing shoppers of every age. From a simple Valentine to a box of chocolates to diamonds, gift giving as a show of affection has become a cultural phenomenon. Every Feb. 14, love is in the air – or is it?

The practice of gift giving as a token of one’s love rings true for those whose love language is ex- pressed by the dollar value of a gift, but unless the gift involves a level of personal sacrifice, it remains only a token.

Authentic love will always have a sacrificial dimension. This explains why cupids are pictured with an arrow that wounds even as it endears and why homemade Valentines are keepsakes, prized more highly than those purchased from a store. The time and talent required to make a gift adds to its value.

Love is invisible, but how could it be otherwise, “for God is love” (1 Jn 4:8b) and “no one can see the face of God and live” (Ex 3:20). Although we cannot see love, we can certainly see the effects of love. Love is made visible by parents who keep vigil at the bedside of a sick child and by adults who care for aging parents.

It can be seen in a teacher who purchases classroom supplies with her own money, and in the priest who leaves the comfort of his bed to administer the last rites to a dying patient. Love may even look like a mom wearing an outdated dress who happily presents her child with a new dress for the prom.

When a Pharisee asked Jesus “‘which commandment in law is the greatest?’ He said to him, ‘You shall love the Lord, your God, with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the greatest and the first commandment. The second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself’” (Mt 22:36-39).

We know that Jesus’ greatest act of love began with donning our human nature and ended with gifting his life to the Father on our behalf while he hung dying on the cross. It’s no surprise then that one of the most quoted Scripture passages is: “For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son, so that everyone who believes in him may not perish but may have eternal life” (Jn 3:16- 17).

When couples marry, they pledge their love to each other, but it’s in the daily dying to their own needs for the good of their spouse that they live out the commitment that they promised at the altar. I’ve always been fascinated by the poem that Elizabeth Barrett Browning wrote to her husband. True to its poetic nature, the love Ms. Barrett describes is ethereal.

No doubt it was written when her heart was overflowing with emotion. Like most love sonnets, she was describing the indescribable, but there was more to it than flowery language. The enamored poet sacrificed a great deal and overcame many obstacles in finally being able to marry Robert Browning, and so her poem was more than empty words.

Her love was a lived experience that has been immortalized through her poetry. Though written to her husband, it is an invitation for reflection and a prayer that invites us to ponder this most important question: