Marge Thornton has overseen hundreds of adoptions
A sallow complexion, unwashed hair, thin arms and legs. The little girl from Romania looked like a child who had been in a bed her entire life.
“She’d never had a toy, never had the sun on her face, never had the opportunity to walk,” said Marge Thornton, program manager of adoption services for Commonwealth Catholic Charities.
With Thornton’s help, this 2-year-old had hope for a new life. She is one of countless children Thornton, a native of Roanoke, has placed with new families. Now Thornton is starting a new life, retiring Dec. 30 after more than 32 years with the agency.
Reflecting on her career the day after a surprise retirement lunch, she said “everyone should have the opportunity to have work that is as fulfilling as adoption is.”
“Being able to see families formed and working with kids, especially international adoption. Kids who come in are so wounded, they’ve been through so much,” she continued. “Then you see them blossom, you see these families formed, you see these kids grow up. Where else can you do that kind of work?”
Getting started
In high school, a guidance counselor asked Thornton take part in a peer support program, mentoring other students.
“Working with her and seeing what she did, I decided that I wanted to go into social work,” Thornton said.
But not for some years. She married a minister and became a stay-at-home mom. Once her last child was in school full-time, she pursued a degree in social work from Ferrum College in Franklin County, Virginia. She later earned a master’s degree in social work from Virginia Commonwealth University.
During one college internship, she worked for a state office in Martinsville that managed adoptions.
“I just loved it,” she said. “I knew this was what I wanted to do.”
In May 1990, what was then Catholic Charities of Southwest Virginia had an opening for an international adoption coordinator, and Thornton was hired right after graduation. Since then, she’s been involved in helping unwed mothers place their babies with families, continued to supervise international adoptions and helped children in foster care find homes.
‘The light in the room’
For several years, Commonwealth Catholic Charities has partnered with the state social services department to provide and increase adoptions.
“Marge was critical in not only establishing that partnership but maintaining it and making sure we stayed one of the best providers in the business,” said CCC CEO Jay Brown.
He said he and others in the agency will not only miss Thornton’s grace and compassion, but also her deep knowledge of adoption law. “She just breathes this work,” he said. “She is such an expert that it’s a huge loss for us to see her go. She’s done a tremendous job in building a remarkable team, and I think that’s the other thing that makes her truly special, truly one of a kind.”
“She has the biggest heart,” said Taylor Mills, post-adoption supervisor. “She is amazing at this work that she does. The families love her, birth parents love her, all of her colleagues love her. She’s just hands-down a great person.”
Thornton was one of the people involved in setting up Seton Housing, a program that started last year to provide support to new mothers and their children who may be facing homelessness. Among the first participants were Kyrsten and her daughter, Avianna.
“Marge is always the light in the room,” Kyrsten said in an email; for privacy reasons, her last name is not being used. “She takes charge, makes sure your head’s on straight. She’s really taught me patience and that there are still kind people in this world.”
Kyrsten said she was crying as she was typing, as she thought about how much Thornton has meant to her and her baby.
“She’s made me the mom I am today, and I’ll never forget her. She holds such a special place in my little family that it hurts to think I won’t be able to contact her anymore. But I hope she has the most successful retirement because she’s absolutely worth every minute of it.” (For more about Krysten’s story, click here.)
Providing support
The biggest change Thornton has seen in her career is the shift in adoption procedure from secrecy to openness. When she first started, she said, birth parents had no idea with whom their child would be living; families had no idea who the parents were. Now, the process is a collaboration.
“The parents who are placing their children for adoption, who are making the adoption plan, they work with us,” she said. “They let us know what they are looking for in an adoptive family. They choose which family they want their child to go with, and then they meet. They have an ongoing relationship if they choose. But there’s all of that openness and that connectedness.”
Overall, children are spending less time in foster care, though “there are still some kids whose needs are just very, very high, and they’re very wounded, and it’s hard to find a good fit for a family for them,” she said.
The agency’s policy is that it never turns any child away, no matter the physical or mental problem.
“I have seen her work with some difficult cases,” Mills also said of instances in which a family and child were not matched. “… She’s there to support them, and she’s there to support the birth parents.”
Raised a Catholic, Thornton became a Methodist and is convinced that without her faith, without some level of spirituality, she would have a hard time doing this work.
In retirement, Thornton is looking forward to spending more time with Chuck, her husband of 15 years. It was the second marriage for both; their blended family of four sons and two daughters includes 10 grandchildren, with another expected in February.
She’ll have lots of those adopted kids to stay connected with on social media. Many are in college or have graduated. One girl from Guatemala and a boy from Mexico have even participated in internships with her at CCC.
But she will miss the home visits, miss seeing children like that toddler from Romania turning pink and healthy, walking and talking within six months, greeting her with “Hi, Marge!”