Being subordinate is not about power

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Reflection on Mass readings for August 25 (21st Sunday in Ordinary Time)

Joshua 24:1-2a, 15-17, 18b
Psalm 34:2-3, 16-17, 18-19, 20-21
Ephesians 5:21-32 OR 5:2a, 25-32
John 6:60-69

 

The reading from Chapter 5 of St. Paul’s Letter to the Ephesians is among my favorites of his writings.

It is among my favorites because it talks about the mystical marriage between Jesus and the Church, between us and Jesus. I believe that having that mystical marriage as a central touch point in our relationship with God is absolutely key to having an intimate relationship with God.

This chapter is also among my favorites because it messes with people’s heads in our modern world – not for what it says, but for what people think it says. In preaching, I love to upend people’s expectations, and directly address that confused understanding.

At many weddings where the bride and groom have chosen this reading, when the phrase “Wives should be subordinate to their husbands as to the Lord” (Eph 5:22) has been read, I almost always see necks snap as those in the congregation look at the bride with the question on their face, “You chose that reading?”

This sentence from Ephesians so goes against the grain that it becomes the only thing that people hear. What they don’t hear is the sentence immediately before it: “Be subordinate to one another out of reverence for Christ” (Eph 5:21).

St. Paul is calling husbands and wives to be subordinate to another, to a mutual dying to self as an image of how the Church and Christ mutually die to self for the other.

The relationship between Christ and the Church is not a relationship of power. Rather, Christ wants us to attain the fullness of who he has called us to be. This is expressed beautifully by St. Ireanus, newly made a Doctor of the Church by Pope Francis, who said, “God’s glory is man fully alive.”

Therefore, to be subordinate to the will of Christ is to fulfill this purpose. When we are not subordinate to Christ’s will by our sin, we are choosing to be less than what God wants for us.  In a true sense, we are choosing to be less than human.

A husband should want for his wife to attain the fullness of who God has called her to be. He should want her to be fully conformed in holiness to the will of God, in all the beauty of her human gifts and talents.  It is to this purpose that wives should be subordinate to their husbands. It is not a question of power, but of purpose.

How, then, are husbands subordinate to their wives? The same way Christ is subordinate to the Church. But how can God be subordinate to us? Again, it is not about a relationship of power, but of self-dying and self-gift, for the sake of the beloved.

Jesus is subordinate to the Church in that he gave everything for his beloved, the Church. He gives himself completely in his suffering and death so that his bride, the Church, might be made holy and share in his life.

Husbands are called to be subordinate themselves to their wives in the same way. They are called to make their entire life a self-gift for their wives and family so that their family might share in the holiness of Christ.

The mystical marriage of Christ and his Church is most beautifully expressed in the sacrament of holy matrimony. “For this reason, a man shall leave his father and his mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This is a great mystery, but I speak in reference to Christ and the Church” (Eph 5:31-32).

This is the statement that should cause our necks to snap our heads to attention, because of the greatness of what marriage is supposed to be.

It should give us pause and challenge all of us to live our vocations out of reverence for Christ, and in subordination to him, in the mutual self-giving love of Christ with his bride, the Church.

 

Msgr. Timothy Keeney is pastor of Church of the Incarnation, Charlottesville, and Our Lady of the Rosary, Crozet.

 

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